Cardio Check



Love is still here
Nostalgia haunts
Memories haunt
Feelings haunt…

Your smile…
Sometimes makes me shiver
Sometimes ties a knot in my stomach
Sometimes leaves me breathless…

There is nothing I can do
But let time pass by
Slowly…
Wrapping me up
in a soft blanket of tenderness
Sending me to the place
Where heartbreaks and pains
Are nothing but ghosts with friendly smiles…

Your name
Your presence
Your absence
The void you left…

Silently
Metamorphing
Healing…

Life has returned to me…
Life has not forsaken me…

Live…
Trust…
Love…

Despite the sadness
Despite the pain
Despite the sorrow

Everything is illuminated…

domingo, 16 de octubre de 2011

Surrender...



Frozen...
Watching Life pass by,
Hours, days, weeks...

Everbody lives on

Including you...

As if nothing had ever happened.

And I just stand here.

Paralized.

Heartbeats, breathing... Alive...
But paralized to the very core.

Trying to understand what makes no sense.
Trying to figure out what has no answer.
Trying not to love you...

Which is impossible...

domingo, 25 de septiembre de 2011

Trying




Not a very constructive or positive thing to do
When you stick to a feeling that makes you suffer…
I had no choice to decide what I would feel for you…
It just happened…

No one to blame here.

But I have the choice
To decide in which conditions I want to live…
And to shape my life and reality in a way I can love them…

So I let go… Of the Pain… I don’t want it…
Instead I choose to keep the “Thickfreakness”…
The magic, the good vibe and the laughter...

I will be fine…
I know…
Just have to let time do its thing…

I wish you fly high and reach the star you are searching for
I wish you keep on smiling upon the world
With this bright shinny wonderful smile of yours
I wish you fireworks in the heart
And butterflies in your stomach…
I wish you Love with a capital L…
May all your dreams come true…
May life be kind with you…
May all the best occur to you…

Keep on shinning!

P. S. I Love you...

domingo, 18 de septiembre de 2011

My 3 Guardian Angels



Slowly trying to get on my feet again
I stand up and everything is blurry…
Everything turns around me… and I feel dizzy…
But, I can see the light at the end
I know that sooner or later
The sun will shine upon me again…
I have 3 awesome guardian angels watching my back…
Holding my hands, and lifting me up…
One of them even with a broken wing…
But enough courage not to let me fall…
I will always be grateful for this….
Thank you so much guys…

(For Lolo, Deniz and William...)

jueves, 15 de septiembre de 2011

No choice



“We need to talk…”
(Cold shiver running down my spine)
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 20,30…”
(Knot in my stomach…)
More than 24 hours waiting without knowing…
The bell rings at 20,30 sharp…
20 minutes car drive in silence
(Fumbling with anti-stress ring… begging for everything to be alright)
Inside your living room…
I say “Please say something!”
(Shaking like a lonely leaf …)
You say “Everything is perfect… but I don’t love you…”
(Knife blade into my heart… twisting… deeper and deeper…)
You say… “Say something…”
(What the fuck am I supposed to say? The pain is so strong…)
“I don’t want to hurt you”…
“Too late…”
You cannot choose the way you feel… you are right…
You cannot choose…
I cannot choose either…

domingo, 11 de septiembre de 2011

Can’t do anything



No magic possible, no conjuration, no spell
No nothing…
Just wait, wait, and wait
For this pain to slowly turn into something else
Something soft and tender
Cos now it’s tearing me apart…
I know you didn’t want to hurt me
But you have…
And still
The Black Keys are playing
Bringing back memories
Over and over again…
Does this help?
I don’t know…
I wish I could let go…
Just let go…
Let go…

4U



Cutting off my wings before I even try to fly…
And a slap of honesty on my face: “Everything is perfect, but I don’t love you…”
You are a wonderful person, an exceptional human being, and I am not blaming you for the pain I feel right now… On the contrary I thank you for your honesty and for you not wanting to hurt me even more…
But still… It makes me angry, at Life… I who am always positive, and who used to trust Life because she is supposed to be wise… Am angry, pissed off, infuriated… This is not fucking fair!!!
But what can I do?
Yell at you “Please love me!!!”?
I know this is not possible, I know this is not the way things work …
It makes me sad… because I didn’t see it coming… Because I thought you were feeling the same way I was… Because I opened my heart to you… Because I thought everything was just perfect…
It was not…
And it hurts, it hurts, it hurts…
Fuck!!!
I wish you the best… I hope you find the ONE that will make you feel the way you expect to feel… The way I wasn’t able to make you feel…
I know everything will be all right … I know I will be able to look at you without breaking out in tears… I know one day it won’t hurt anymore… I know I will get over this…
But till then…
Till then…

sábado, 10 de septiembre de 2011

Smile



I have never seen a smile like yours before
When you smile, you light the whole world
Your smile is like a thousand shining suns
Like golden raindrops falling on the earth
Like an infinite sparkling ocean…
It radiates Hope
It radiates Joy
It radiates Life…

Vicarious

During all my childhood and part of my adolescence I was raised among revolutionary hymns and paroles, and now that real Revolution is happening, I’m sitting at home on my couch… watching this happen over live stream…
Not fair… and what makes me feel sad about all this is that it’s all about money in the end… no money… no revolution… at least for me… no way to buy a ticket to go to Berlin or Hamburg or Düsseldorf … or even fly back to Madrid just to bathe in Revolutions waters for a moment…
Once more a clear sign that this system is completely fucked up… values distorted… tyranny of money over the aspirations and desires of a human being…
Fuck your money!
I’ve still got my heart, soul and my free mind to celebrate Revolution!

viernes, 20 de mayo de 2011

Beyond




A bond

Meant to last forever

Huge meaning

For a mind to capture

But the absolute certainty is there

Beyond space
Beyond time
Beyond here and now


You will be there…

My Blue Angel.

lunes, 25 de abril de 2011

Little Sister



My legacy for you:

I wish you love, joy and a hand full of flowers
I wish you sunlight, shinny dreams and butterflies
I wish you laughter, the silliest laughter, which is the best, right?
I wish you colorful sunsets in your soul, the soft stroking of angel feathers on your face…
I wish you find the most easy and difficult path to find…
The path back to yourself…
Little Sister, you and only you are the one who matters here…
No one will live your life for you, will love for you, will laugh for you, will feel flowers in her hands, or sunshine on her eyes, or the soft caress of angel feathers…
No one but you has got the power to make life happen…
Live
Love
Laugh
Be…

I Love You

domingo, 3 de abril de 2011

Freefalling



She looked at the cards on the floor and told me, "you should allow yourself to get a little crazy, stop judging yourself, stop feeling guilty, don't be afraid, just give in, everything will be just fine..."
I though to myself... "I wish I could... it's not easy, I'll have to let go of so many things, I'll have to face myself and look me in the eye and there will be no turning back..."

She was right.

I feel like a newborn... scared, cold, hungry... but free!

martes, 29 de marzo de 2011

 
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