Love is still here
Nostalgia haunts
Memories haunt
Feelings haunt…
Your smile…
Sometimes makes me shiver
Sometimes ties a knot in my stomach
Sometimes leaves me breathless…
There is nothing I can do
But let time pass by
Slowly…
Wrapping me up
in a soft blanket of tenderness
Sending me to the place
Where heartbreaks and pains
Are nothing but ghosts with friendly smiles…
Your name
Your presence
Your absence
The void you left…
Silently
Metamorphing
Healing…
Life has returned to me…
Life has not forsaken me…
Live…
Trust…
Love…
Despite the sadness
Despite the pain
Despite the sorrow
Everything is illuminated…
Frozen...
Watching Life pass by,
Hours, days, weeks...
Everbody lives on
Including you...
As if nothing had ever happened.
And I just stand here.
Paralized.
Heartbeats, breathing... Alive...
But paralized to the very core.
Trying to understand what makes no sense.
Trying to figure out what has no answer.
Trying not to love you...
Which is impossible...
Not a very constructive or positive thing to do
When you stick to a feeling that makes you suffer…
I had no choice to decide what I would feel for you…
It just happened…
No one to blame here.
But I have the choice
To decide in which conditions I want to live…
And to shape my life and reality in a way I can love them…
So I let go… Of the Pain… I don’t want it…
Instead I choose to keep the “Thickfreakness”…
The magic, the good vibe and the laughter...
I will be fine…
I know…
Just have to let time do its thing…
I wish you fly high and reach the star you are searching for
I wish you keep on smiling upon the world
With this bright shinny wonderful smile of yours
I wish you fireworks in the heart
And butterflies in your stomach…
I wish you Love with a capital L…
May all your dreams come true…
May life be kind with you…
May all the best occur to you…
Keep on shinning!
P. S. I Love you...
Slowly trying to get on my feet again
I stand up and everything is blurry…
Everything turns around me… and I feel dizzy…
But, I can see the light at the end
I know that sooner or later
The sun will shine upon me again…
I have 3 awesome guardian angels watching my back…
Holding my hands, and lifting me up…
One of them even with a broken wing…
But enough courage not to let me fall…
I will always be grateful for this….
Thank you so much guys…
(For Lolo, Deniz and William...)
“We need to talk…”
(Cold shiver running down my spine)
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 20,30…”
(Knot in my stomach…)
More than 24 hours waiting without knowing…
The bell rings at 20,30 sharp…
20 minutes car drive in silence
(Fumbling with anti-stress ring… begging for everything to be alright)
Inside your living room…
I say “Please say something!”
(Shaking like a lonely leaf …)
You say “Everything is perfect… but I don’t love you…”
(Knife blade into my heart… twisting… deeper and deeper…)
You say… “Say something…”
(What the fuck am I supposed to say? The pain is so strong…)
“I don’t want to hurt you”…
“Too late…”
You cannot choose the way you feel… you are right…
You cannot choose…
I cannot choose either…
No magic possible, no conjuration, no spell
No nothing…
Just wait, wait, and wait
For this pain to slowly turn into something else
Something soft and tender
Cos now it’s tearing me apart…
I know you didn’t want to hurt me
But you have…
And still
The Black Keys are playing
Bringing back memories
Over and over again…
Does this help?
I don’t know…
I wish I could let go…
Just let go…
Let go…
Cutting off my wings before I even try to fly…
And a slap of honesty on my face: “Everything is perfect, but I don’t love you…”
You are a wonderful person, an exceptional human being, and I am not blaming you for the pain I feel right now… On the contrary I thank you for your honesty and for you not wanting to hurt me even more…
But still… It makes me angry, at Life… I who am always positive, and who used to trust Life because she is supposed to be wise… Am angry, pissed off, infuriated… This is not fucking fair!!!
But what can I do?
Yell at you “Please love me!!!”?
I know this is not possible, I know this is not the way things work …
It makes me sad… because I didn’t see it coming… Because I thought you were feeling the same way I was… Because I opened my heart to you… Because I thought everything was just perfect…
It was not…
And it hurts, it hurts, it hurts…
Fuck!!!
I wish you the best… I hope you find the ONE that will make you feel the way you expect to feel… The way I wasn’t able to make you feel…
I know everything will be all right … I know I will be able to look at you without breaking out in tears… I know one day it won’t hurt anymore… I know I will get over this…
But till then…
Till then…
I have never seen a smile like yours before
When you smile, you light the whole world
Your smile is like a thousand shining suns
Like golden raindrops falling on the earth
Like an infinite sparkling ocean…
It radiates Hope
It radiates Joy
It radiates Life…
During all my childhood and part of my adolescence I was raised among revolutionary hymns and paroles, and now that real Revolution is happening, I’m sitting at home on my couch… watching this happen over live stream…
Not fair… and what makes me feel sad about all this is that it’s all about money in the end… no money… no revolution… at least for me… no way to buy a ticket to go to Berlin or Hamburg or Düsseldorf … or even fly back to Madrid just to bathe in Revolutions waters for a moment…
Once more a clear sign that this system is completely fucked up… values distorted… tyranny of money over the aspirations and desires of a human being…
Fuck your money!
I’ve still got my heart, soul and my free mind to celebrate Revolution!
My legacy for you:
I wish you love, joy and a hand full of flowers
I wish you sunlight, shinny dreams and butterflies
I wish you laughter, the silliest laughter, which is the best, right?
I wish you colorful sunsets in your soul, the soft stroking of angel feathers on your face…
I wish you find the most easy and difficult path to find…
The path back to yourself…
Little Sister, you and only you are the one who matters here…
No one will live your life for you, will love for you, will laugh for you, will feel flowers in her hands, or sunshine on her eyes, or the soft caress of angel feathers…
No one but you has got the power to make life happen…
Live
Love
Laugh
Be…
I Love You
She looked at the cards on the floor and told me, "you should allow yourself to get a little crazy, stop judging yourself, stop feeling guilty, don't be afraid, just give in, everything will be just fine..."
I though to myself... "I wish I could... it's not easy, I'll have to let go of so many things, I'll have to face myself and look me in the eye and there will be no turning back..."
She was right.
I feel like a newborn... scared, cold, hungry... but free!
How can I find the words to describe what has no words to be described with?
Searching for something I know without knowing when I will find it, or if I will simply bump into it at sometime.
This reminds me of Lisa Gerrard's singing art, no words, no language, no limits, just heart and soul, just empathy, just LOVE...
She sings with an amazing voice, as if she were not of this world, a voice that comes from somewhere we have been, but don't remember... She brings back memories from other times, from other worlds, images we dreamt of, sea, air, soil, sun, laughter, melancholy, sweetness, hope... A journey that brings us back to our soul...
It was 1992... my first year in University, a whole new world, new experiences, new friends, new heartaches, new pains...
A lot to learn, a lot to study, and of course a lot to discover. We had a gruop of friends and we called ourseleves the "OH's" because of the chemichal formula of ethanol or something like that, I don't remember right now... we had a very good time together, we were very close, Paola, Andrea R., Andrea I, Paolo, Omar, Héctor, Eric (who unfortunatedly decided to leave us a couple of years ago)and Claudio... my thought wander to them every once in a while...
And there was this elective course, that blew off my mind, "Approach to Cinema through Psichology", it was then when I discovered the world of cinema, and it became a passion for me, until now... Maurice, Amarcord, Blue Velvet, etc... and Wild at Heart, and it's haunting song "Wicked Game" sung by Chris Isaak, I can still recall the scene... Sailor and Lula driving through the desert at night, and a witch on broom flying beside them...
Guido de Michelis was the teacher's name...
Thank You!!!
The Tea Party was an extraordinary talented and underrated Canadian band. When I heard they were breaking up, I panicked and thought "this is it", the same thought I had when Robert Buras from Madrugada died. But if you give it a thought, really good bands are composed by extraordinary individuals, which together form these extraordinary bands. And in the case of The Tea Party, one of these individuals is Jeff Martin, a man with an entrancing voice and a gifted guitar player as well. A man who is capable to touch our heart with his music. Listening to him is a very moving experience; you connect immediately to what he is expressing with his lyrics and music. You feel that he really enjoys what he is doing; despite of not having that much of a success abroad... if being part of the mainstream can be called success... I personally have my doubts... I am really grateful to musicians like Jeff Martin, who stick to the essential, to the very roots and meaning of music: You make music because you love music...
Jeff Martin - Official Site
